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Inkless Sin

December 27, 2010 Training 10 Comments

Ever find yourself doing your job when you realize something was amiss? Yeah, me too.

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
FSE (Future Staples Employee): Speeding?
MC: Yeah…do you have your license, registration and insurance today?
FSE: Here you go.

Here’s where the “amiss” part comes in. I walked back to the bike to begin scratching out the ticket. I got about halfway through when I noticed something odd. Seems the ink was getting lighter and lighter. As any good Motor knows, you should always carry an extra pen, right?

Hello?

Right?

Yeah, I didn’t have an extra pen. Then, a spark of genius!

MC: Ma’am, would you happen to have a pen?
FSE: Uh…sure.
MC: Thank you.

I proceeded to finish out the cite and returned to the car.

MC: Okay, I just need your signature on the yellow highlighted portion. And here’s your pen back.

Ah, the early signs of my once palpitating heart beginning to slow and grow thick with black sludge. Enough to bring a tear to the eye. If only they hadn’t dried up as well. *Sigh*

The Warning and the Barn Door

December 26, 2010 Training 1 Comment

I’m often asked what the funniest/weirdest/dumbest excuse is offered to me when I’m conducting a traffic stop. This one ranks right up there in the funny column.

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
Farmer Jed (you should be able to figure out why by the end of this story): It might be because I wasn’t wearing my seat belt.
MC: Yeah. It’s not the end of the world, though.
Farmer Jed: You mind if I explain why?
MC (always looking for my fodder): Knock yourself out.
Farmer Jed: See, I just left the gym and I’m on my way to work. I realized about halfway there that my, uh, zipper wasn’t up.
MC: I notice you’re wearing a zippered sweatshirt. Would that be the zipper to which you were referring?
Farmer Jed: No, sir.
MC: Jed, we talking ’bout the barn door here?
Farmer Jed (with not a little bit of embarrassment): That’d be the one. I took my seat belt off briefly to, well, zip up. I didn’t want to show up at work with my zipper down.
MC: Jed, I gotta tell you. No pun intended, but you’ve gotta have stones to admit that to a cop. Do me a favor and next time, just pull over to handle that particular predicament, alright?
Farmer Jed (with a smile): You got it.

So, there you go. I gotta give Jed credit…that’s a fairly embarrassing thing to bring up, but he did. And, he got me to laugh on top of it. A double whammy, indeed.

Well played, Jed. Well played.

A Very Special Introduction to a New Blog

December 21, 2010 Training No Comments

Although it’s a new blog, the blogger is a near five year vet of blogging. I’m proud to introduce you all to the woman that has made all my dreams come true…the Wife. Ever wonder how someone could put up with such a black-hearted blaggard? Ever wonder what life is like for me when I doff the boots and britches? All your questions (and more, I’m sure) will be answered at the Wife’s new blog, Beyond the Boots and Britches.

I’ve been instructed to inform you that she’s not sure how often she will update. Of course, I said that as well two and a half years ago. The Wife is a very busy woman, though. I certainly don’t want her to feel obligated to add yet another activity to her (in my opinion) very full plate.
This woman does it all, folks. She takes care of our beautiful girls. She co-ops at the eldest’s pre-school in addition to being on the board of same. There is always a warm meal for dinner. Our home is a comfortable, inviting, clean place. I tell you all that to tell you this…I’d rather strap on a kevlar vest and take my chances. God bless her.
Please join me in welcoming her! Leave her an encouraging hello and I’ll thank you indeed. She joins the league of oft-overlooked and under-appreciated support that keeps LEOs like me thriving!

The Crossover – FSTs and the News

December 18, 2010 The Crossover Show 1 Comment

Happy and I talk about some Police/EMS related news items including the man shot while holding a garden nozzle, FSTs, and an EMT that survived a head-on collision in an ambulance. We also answer a few more viewer questions…and introduce a new way to get your questions to us.

Wanna be on the show? You can ring us with your questions at 313-451-HMMC! It’s ready and waiting to record your quandaries 24/7!
Thanks for listening!

Shocked Face?!? Really?!?

December 14, 2010 Training 8 Comments


I wish I could tell you just how often it is that people simply don’t pay attention to Motors. Defensive driving? Oh, no…offensive driving (take that however you want) is the answer. If I’m not paying attention to everything around me, I’m going to end up roadkill.

Case in point…
On the way back from court the other day (one of my favorite times to stop someone, by the way), I’m getting on the freeway. I have a green turn arrow. This would lead one, and correctly as it happens, to believe that oncoming traffic has the red. One might also assume that the person with the red light would see all the traffic making a turn in front of them. Sure, they want to jump on the ‘ol highway just as badly as the rest of us. As the fates would have it, though, wait they must.
I was about halfway through my turn when a driver looked right at me and then turned in front of me. Okay, not the first time that has happened to me and certainly not the last. Of course, I pulled her over. She was apologetic as the day is long…until I came back with the cite.
MC: Okay, ma’am. I need you to sign the highlighted yellow portion, please.
PCL: (Peripherally Challenged Lady): You’re giving me a ticket?!?
MC: Ma’am, you nearly hit me.
PCL: I said I was sorry.
MC: And while I appreciate that, I’m still going to issue you a citation today.
PCL then went on to sign the cite. She glared at me for what felt like the entire time. As if it was my fault. I keep forgetting the hypnotic Jedi-like skills I possess. Obviously, I forgot that I entered her psyche from the other side of the intersection and planted a suggestion that she cut me off, causing me to brake very quickly, just so I could use the training and my super-speed agility quotient.
I’m always forgetting that power.
What really caught my attention was the look on her face. She totally blamed me for giving her a ticket. I felt like saying, “Lady! You nearly hit a police officer. How you even remotely think this could enter the vicinity of my responsibility is so far beyond me, it defies comprehension!” Instead, I thanked her and asked her to drive safely.
Mostly because I we were headed in the same direction and I didn’t want further issues.

The Crossover – Episode 6 Return of the Medic

December 9, 2010 The Crossover Show 1 Comment

This episode finds the tables turned and I’m at the helm lobbing some inquiry volleys at Happy. For those of you in the LEO world that have been wondering just what Happy is truly all about, this is for you!
In other news, if you’ve got access to iTunes and want to subscribe to our Crossover podcast, use http://happymedic.com/category/the-crossover-podcast/feed/ whilst in the podcast section of iTunes! We’re (and by ‘we’ I mean Happy…I’m techno-challenged) are working on some other podcast related tweeks, so stay tuned!
On with the show…

Good Parenting

December 8, 2010 Training 9 Comments

Any time I do anything remotely not stupid, my Mom says, “It must be good parenting!” Who am I to quibble?

Today, I stopped a good example. I was sitting in my pond du jour when I saw a speeding vehicle. I pulled it over and walked up to talk to the obviously young driver. He had his hands on the wheel. His window was rolled up. He looked a bit like he was going to have an attitude on him. I mimed (not trapped in a box) that I wanted him to roll the window down. My first thought was, “Cop’s kid.”
MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
GA (Good Apple): No, sir.
MC: Do you know what the speed limit is back there?
GA: 35, sir.
MC: Do you know how fast you were going?
GA: Not much more than 40, sir.
MC: 49. Do you have your license, registration and insurance?
GA: Yes, sir. I’m very sorry, sir.
MC: What does your Dad do for a living?
GA: He’s in construction.
MC: Have you ever had a ticket before?
GA: I’ve never been pulled over, sir.
MC: Okay…hang tight…I’ll be right back.
I ran him out and sure enough, he had a clean record. I had him dead to rights for speed.
MC: So, you’ve never been pulled over before?
GA: No, sir.
MC: I’m going to give you a break. Interested in why?
GA: Yes, sir.
MC: I can count on one hand how many times I’ve stopped someone as polite as you. You did everything you were supposed to do. You kept your hands on the wheel. That helps put me at ease. It’s a smart thing to do for both of our safety. I’m not sure who taught you how to handle being stopped by the police, but I assume it was your folks. I won’t tell them about this little incident if you don’t, but you seem like a pretty honest kid. If you end up telling them, do me a favor and tell them I appreciate the good job they did with you.
GA: I’ll tell them, sir. Thank you!
So to Mr. and Mrs. Random I say, “Well done! Great job in raising what appears to be a polite, honest, and well adjusted young man!”
That’s my Good Apple Award, pictured above, by the way. Creativity abounds!